I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
