i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
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