found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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