she woke up with a sticky ear
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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