Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize