mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Randomize
