we have officially lost it.
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
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