Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize