Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
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