Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
