for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
My Sexting was not on an AP level
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Randomize
