Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
