I love black thongs
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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