you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Randomize
