She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I feel like abortions should bother me more
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize