Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
