Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Be still, my beating vagina.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
