dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Randomize
