the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
So squirting runs in the family.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Randomize
