Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
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