She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
