Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Randomize
