Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
