just come out here and I will go home with you...
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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