oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
