I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize
