2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
you never un-have a 4some
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
