he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
id be glad to
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
