I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
