No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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