Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
