the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
