remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
