Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
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