You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
It's shark week go big or go home
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Randomize
