I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
