You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
