i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
