Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
