Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
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