If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
