next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
