I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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