sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
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