I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
