Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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