from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
