If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
