Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
