I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Randomize
