I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
