Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Randomize
