My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
