Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
