I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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