If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
