He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
