Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
