If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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