as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
