I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
