the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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