And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize
