My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
