Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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