This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
