I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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