This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
