he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
