I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
