guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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